i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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