...so i touched it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
