I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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