I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Michael Bay diarrhea
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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