Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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