I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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