Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
