I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
