I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
