i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
