I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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