remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
