Betty ford says i'm here all night
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
