He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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