i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize