Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My balls are so social today.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
