I'm so fucking centered right now
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
