i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.