no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
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Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
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Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.