Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
