Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
