he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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