I am spending my child support on dildos
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list