Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.