So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
