I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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