Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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