sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
