So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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