hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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