Where is the hickey?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
