Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
