So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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