You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
