my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
