i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
