she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize