Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
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We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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