I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
