Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
