just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
