guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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