If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Come on in and take your pants off
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