he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
