My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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