i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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