Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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