i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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