she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
