you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
