remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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