the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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