call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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