i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
