His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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