My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
