You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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