if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
