I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
