I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
it hurts more in the daytime
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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