That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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