Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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